The Tell Tale Tail
by Cerulean Pen
Summary: Pinkie Pie is not talented in baking her friends into pastries, but when Twilight Sparkle's hazy eye begins to bother her, she has a plan to rid herself of this evil eye. "The Tell-Tale Heart" parody.


The Tell-Tale Tail

Summary: Pinkie Pie is not talented in baking her friends into pastries, but when Twilight Sparkle's hazy eye begins to bother her, she has a plan to rid herself of this evil eye. "The Tell-Tale Heart" parody.

English Horror/Parody Rated: T Chapters:1 Words: Pinkie Pie & Twilight Sparkle

**a/n: **In my Literature class, we did quite a spell of work on Edgar Allen Poe's "The Tell-Tale Heart" and it was inevitable to write a parody of murderous Pinkie Pie tales in the Poe fashion. Are you tired of endless "Cupcakes" endings, sequels, and poorly-composed slaughter-house Pinkie Pie? Fear no more, your generally insane Pinkie Pie has returned. Leave a review.

True!-nervous-very, very dreadfully nervous I had been and am; but why will you say that I am mad? I have heard many a thing in both Ponyville and Canterlot, the quivering sun-radiant in spirit-has addressed me in blinding raves. This illness has sharpened my senses-not destroyed-not dulled; they are acute as ever. My pallid tongue, it laps the nauseating sweetness, even when I fear, alas!, I can intake no more! The sight-acute!-through cerulean eyes, I am innocent and charming, yet nervous, dreadfully nervous! I am not the mad pony assumed, shall no, for you will understand how calmly I tell you the story.

It is not the unicorn that vexed me. Genial she had been, tolerating senseless rants that my ill mind concocts, creates, a wielder of these elements with their glorious texture. I know not-yes, it was the eye! A vulture pupil, violet cornea misty beneath her retinal fog, chilling upon glance, chilling me-degree by degree-to the grim decision. I must rid myself of the evil eye. The unicorn deserved it.

The shop! Its horrendous hues, permeated atmosphere-it chokes! it kills!-its boundless enthusiasm. No basement have we now, no, since hideous assumptions were made, and my senses, they were sharpened! Calm am I, but nervous! Baked goods, they craze me, shoving cranial cavities-melting!-into stoves, ovens, stoves! I endure the suffering, these jolly Cakes and giggling ponies, for what? May I gain their gold? No, no, for their gold I had no desire! Nor their repulsive viscera for my goods, no! I scarcely survive the treats nonetheless!

The unicorn, her evil eye! Never had she fired an insult, yet she was intelligent, she would be conscious-for now!-of my endeavors. I must be clever, oh clever, for this scheme to succeed, I will not be discovered! The mare's chamber, my own, branded vacant for her stay, sleep profusely while my utter CALMNESS condones her earnest emotions. Yes, slumber now, evil eye!

Seven Celestia suns and seven Luna moons, my lantern swung down the corridor. The Cakes! Oh, slept tranquilly, tranquilly, far beyond live pony reach! Tin wrap about the luminosity, muffled while crept-oh so cunningly!-into the unicorn's doorway! You must have seen my cunningness, taking breathless minutes, hours, to poke my head into the scope. How dark, in the deepest night!

Shall the unicorn be unaware I watched upon-midnight, raven's cry!-with eyes aglow? The morning come, I pleasantly inquire upon her previous passing, grinning when she shakes her head, hazy eye lolling about in her repugnant skull. Oh, how she hummed in my presence! Did my sharpened senses chill her? Not so-so not!-for she was the frightening! Fillies, wail and run, for the vulture eye arrives!

Friendship! Element of laughter, am I? An acute sense of humor, do I acquire? Easy, easy is it, to chuckle over the merry rocks, giggling at the lethal pickaxes, guffaw when the cloudy gazes turn to reprimand you! Ha, my heart laughs as well! Trusted am I, with transcendent magic! Yes, sparks spurt from my chest! Do not underestimate my power now, wielding the element!

The unicorn, on her eighth spell, slumbers well, tucked neatly, so primly!, in her bed! I creep slowly, my breath stagnant, lantern between my robust jaws, the tin concealing my radiance. The hour ticked by, but I was concrete-yes!-tonight, the midnight, I would ultimately rid myself of her evil eye!

My exuberance uncontained, the tin slipped off, clattering raucously, so close! Ducking beneath her view, the unicorn sat upright, glancing about with a terrified shriek-"who's there?" Damn! My chance obliterated, a thread of delicate light, so thin!-falling upon her vulture eye. Respiration thick, the unicorn listened for hours, the mattress failing to creak and accommodate her laying decubitis. Sleep my beauty, sleep!

She whispers to herself, self condolences of "wind in the chimney" or "creak of the floor" and even "cricket uttering a single chirp." The night-it falls mid!-consumed her. Progressively, a muffled noise, like that of a watch enveloped in cotton, entered my ears. The pulsating grew, ascended-the unicorn's heartbeat hastening in fear! The deathwatches-hearken!-watched as they had before!

I could not contain the fury, leaping forward with a hideous screech that the unicorn returned upon my abrupt approach, her hued eye enlarged in terror. The lantern crashed stridently, yet no, none would hear the death! This was my night to shine! I tossed the trembling soul down, upturning the bed upon her, listening to the struggle eventually fade. The heartbeat remained; several minutes, ceaseless! It too was diminished, and I listened. Nothing. Stone dead. Cold as stone. Cold and dead.

Freed of the evil eye, I jovially went to work to tidy the scope, meticulously reconstructing the oaken frame. No stain-not a blood blemish!-thanks to a jug, the floors immaculate, the chamber cleared! I dismembered the limbs, tenderly removed the head, and buried these-carefully, carefully-beneath the floorboards. There! No pony eye-especially that of the unicorn-could see where the planks had been disrupted.

_Ring!_

I descended the staircase with a light heart, smiling for what was there to fear? The door, it revealed four mares-the wielders, arrived!-all kind and questioning. They reported of hearing the shrieks, which I told were my own in a dream. I bade them welcome, search well, into the unicorn's chambers, whom I mentioned was absent from the town. I dragged chairs into the area, welcoming stay to chat: even I, perched upon the very spot the unicorn lay!

We natter pleasantly, and I begin to blanch, feeling quite ill, a headache developing, desiring them to leave! They stay, and I shiver, a strange beeping filling my pointed ears-where, this beeping! It grew continual, until I began to comprehend that it was no beeping, nor just in my own ears, a steady thumping instead.

My speech grew swifter, octaves climbing and twitching, yet they smile on! The throbbing, it fills the air-they mock me!-and I yell even louder, gesticulations frenetic! Won't they leave? I am deafened, it grows! I spat-I raved-I swore! I destroyed my chair, ululating and pacing the floor, the throbbing, filling the air! The ponies, they notice not, smiling and carrying on! I felt that I must scream or die! Louder-louder!-louder, _louder!_

"Villains!" I shrieked hysterically, "dissemble no more!-tear up the planks! here, here!-the beating of her hideous heart!"

**a/n: **Sigh. It did not turn out as long or as good as I hoped, but it will have to do for tonight. The beginning line and ending line are taken directly from "The Tell-Tale Heart" so all rights to Edgar Allan Poe, I guess. Reference to "Cupcakes" yes, get over it. Leave a review, I myself don't know what to think of the story.


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